Square Peg in a Round Hole
Have you ever seen one of those couples together, where they couldn’t be more opposite and never seem to get along? Maybe you’re in one of those relationships or have been in the past? I have been and it wasn’t pretty! Those relationships leave you wondering, how did they get past the first date? Well, here is how and here is how we can avoid making the same mistake so that we can focus on having a good, healthy, constructive, dating life!
Sometimes, we meet someone who, at face value, seems to possess all the qualities we find attractive. Then, our expectations shoot through the roof once they agree to go on a date with us because it seems as though the stars have finally aligned perfectly! Is it too good to be true?
Typically, yes, but not because you don’t deserve or can’t have somebody who really compliments you well and who you truly find attractive on every level. That isn’t the problem here. The problem is with how quickly you have fallen for a person who you haven’t even taken out on a date yet. This is typically the pitfall that couple we talked about at the beginning of this article tends to fall into.
So, how do we avoid making the same mistake? How do we avoid being “blind” to a person’s glaring flaws and incompatibility with us? In short, how do we stay grounded?
Surprisingly, the answer to this question has much less to do with the date than our own personal maturity. If we bring high expectations – unrealistic expectations – into a date and we glorify the person we are taking out, then, more often than not, we’re looking for a “miracle” to solve a desire a person cannot fulfill, whether it be self-worth, validation, or confidence. Making sure to take dating, especially the first dates, very lightly and maintaining little to no expectations, is essential to a successful dating life.
I believe that it’s important for everybody to date and share meaningful experiences and learn more about themselves through the process. I think it is integral in our development into adults and, ultimately, in finding a mate. But, remember that dating and the people we date aren’t meant to be a cure-all for your problems. That is your responsibility and nobody else’s and that is how that unhappy couple we first heard about typically come together: two people passing each other’s problems and expectations onto one another, only to be let down and disappointed when they do not fulfill what they had hoped.
Dating is meant to be an incredible experience where we get to share ourselves with people, create meaningful connections, and ultimately, introduce us to someone who we get to know on a much more intimate level. Don’t make those first dates out to be anything more than they are meant to be, have fun with the process! Let yourself date without expectations, live in the moment with the other person and enjoy the experience, the rest will take care of itself! Get out there and date, keep it light, and have fun!